There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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