I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
