i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
