Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
