I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
