woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
