The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
