I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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