he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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