She said her name was "party"
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize