Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
