At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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