shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
