so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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