im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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