i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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