took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
