The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
do nipples grow back?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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