I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize