Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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