How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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