Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
