Sry I called you an 8
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
