no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
