I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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