i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my sisters under your porch take her home
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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