Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just puked most of my soul out..
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