ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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