Have you finally orgasmed yet?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
