how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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