I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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