it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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