No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
