dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
