remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
