I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
