yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
