Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
