Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
