4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
