He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
