Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize