And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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