Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
