I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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