so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
All the doctor said was why
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
