I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize