My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
