I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
