like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
