I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
