What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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