I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
