I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
