Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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