guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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