I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize