She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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