I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
