Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
