$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
