I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
