Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .

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(269): View more from Michigan

Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".

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(251): View more from Alabama

Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his

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(815): View more from Illinois

I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.

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(516): View more from New York

My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm

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(315): View more from New York

Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?

(817): View more from Texas

Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?

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(443): View more from Maryland

I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.

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