she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
