Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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