Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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