I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
