Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
