He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
