You're my little dorito
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
