I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
