Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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