Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
