Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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