he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Boobs are out for the taking
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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