Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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