talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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