Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
