Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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