Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
