he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
