my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
