everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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