guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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