just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
