her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
