I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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