I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize