you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
