Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
