Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize
