so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
