I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
