you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
