Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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